Sacrifices and Sincerity
by abbyjane1
Summary: JJ Deveraux and Haley; what could've happened if she had married JJ instead of Trip Dalton to stay in Salem, back when Jack Deveraux was running for mayor of Salem.
1. Chapter 1

"I'll marry you." JJ stated flatly. She could see him turning the thoughts over in his head, already planning everything out.

"Wow, I can feel your excitement. But I can't ask you to do that." Haley crossed her arms in front of herself protectively. This was exactly what she didn't want – JJ to play hero for her. She knew where her feelings stood for him, but she didn't want JJ to feel obligated to help her. She'd handle this like she'd handled everything else in her life – by herself.

"You didn't ask – I offered." Haley rolled her eyes, but JJ kept going. "I'm serious, Haley. It could work."

"No. It's not happening." She turned to walk away, but JJ grabbed her hand. The sparks that shot up her arm stopped her in her tracks, but she refused to turn around for fear that he'd see how much she wanted to say yes, it could work. How much she wanted to be with him.

"Haley, wait. I know you're scared. And if you're not comfortable with it, I won't bring it up again." She felt him take a cautious step forward. Why did it feel like her feet were nailed to the ground? She knew she should just leave and forget it, forget _him._ But she couldn't. The sincerity in his voice was what was rooting her to the floor. "Haley, look at me." He whispered, tugging gently on her hand.

As she turned around, she tried to avoid his warm brown eyes, but they were like a magnet, and she couldn't tear her gaze away. She could see the compassion in his eyes, the same compassion she'd seen in his eyes when he'd found her that first night. Back then she hadn't believed him, but she knew better now. He was the most caring, empathetic, loving guy she'd ever met, and the way he was looking at her now almost made her hope that he shared her feelings for him.

"JJ, you're really sweet, but I don't want you to make that sacrifice. You're not obligated to help me, and I won't let you give up your life for me." He opened his mouth to protest, but she continued on. "And even if you say you're okay with that now, what happens later when you want to have a relationship with someone else? I won't let you put your life on hold for me."

"Okay, first – I don't feel obligated. Second – you want to know what would happen if I became interested in someone? I can tell you right now, because it's not going to happen. After Lani and I broke up, I wasn't sure if I'd find love again. I thought that I'd lost my last shot at love, and I never thought I'd feel that again. But then I met you. And Haley – I don't know if you feel the same way, but I have feelings for you. You're the first girl that I've met that's given me hope that I could find that love again, so when I say that I don't feel obligated to help you – it's the truth. Because my reasons for helping you are completely selfish. The truth is, Haley, I don't want to lose you." JJ said, his eyes shining. Haley just stared at him for a moment, almost breathless with the shock his words carried. This was what she'd wished for all of her life. All she'd ever wanted was for someone to care about her as deeply and earnestly as JJ did. And the fact that it was JJ, it made it even better.

Haley squeezed his hand, trying to form a sentence that could encompass all of her feelings for him. Instead, she hesitantly leaned forward but stopped just before their lips touched. It felt like hours until JJ closed the distance with a knee-weakening kiss. JJ's hands slid around her waist and she ran her fingers up into his hair, as she raised herself up onto her tiptoes. In that kiss she felt the truth behind all his words, and she hoped that he felt all that she couldn't say in their shared breath.

They broke away, both gasping for air, still clinging to each other. "I don't want to lose you either, JJ." Haley whispered. "But if this doesn't work-"

JJ squeezed her waist gently. "I know the risks. But we'll make it work. I promise, I won't give up on you. On us."

Haley smiled, and smoothed her thumb over his jawline. "Well, I guess that means I'm going to have to start calling you 'husband'?" she asked.

"I think you're right, Mrs. Deveraux." JJ smirked, wrapping his arms around Haley and lowering his lips to hers.


	2. Chapter 2

"There – now you look perfect." Abigail said, fluffing out Haley's veil around her hair.

"Thanks," Haley said glancing in the mirror for the first time. Abigail had insisted on doing Haley's hair and makeup for her wedding day, insisting on pampering her. When Haley had objected, saying she didn't need pampering, Abigail wouldn't hear of it. "JJ's my only sibling, so you're the closest I'll ever have to a sister – please let me do this for you?" she'd asked, knowing Haley couldn't refuse. Melinda was hardly the type to partake in normal sister activities like doing each other's makeup. She'd hardly acted like a sister to her at all. In a way, this was Haley's chance at having a real sister too.

As Haley looked at the woman in the mirror staring back at her, she hardly recognized herself. But it wasn't just the makeup or the wedding dress, even if that was part of it. It was the happiness that glowed on her face. Even though her and JJ didn't have a traditional relationship, she still felt butterflies circling in her stomach when she thought about marrying him.

"Are you ready?" Abigail asked, checking the time.

"I think so?" Could anybody really be ready? Especially since this wasn't even a real wedding. Haley kept trying not to think about the risks they were taking by doing this, but they were always in the back of her mind. If this went wrong, it wouldn't just be her that would be in trouble, it would be JJ too. Heck, even his family could be in trouble if ICE thought that his family had been in on it. With all of these thoughts racing through Haley's head, she didn't even notice the white envelope that Abigail was holding out to her. "What's this?" she asked, taking the envelope gently between her fingers.

Abigail smiled. "JJ told me to give it to you before you walk down the aisle. He said it might help calm your nerves." As Haley opened the envelope, she saw a piece of paper covered in JJ's familiar handwriting. Abigail smiled knowingly, giving Haley some space to read the letter.

Haley,

Today, I can't help thinking about when we first met. Back then I had no idea how much you would change my life. Before you walk down the aisle (I can't wait to see you by the way), I just want to let you know how grateful I am that you came into my life, and how much I care about you. Now, take a deep breath, because we're about to jump into a whole new chapter together.

~ JJ

As Haley finished reading the letter, she folded it back up into the envelope, holding back tears. If it was anyone other than JJ, she would've thought they had written it to keep up the appearance that they were already in love, and they weren't just getting married for citizenship. But since it was JJ, she knew it was sincere. JJ was one of the kindest, most genuine guys she'd ever met, and by the careful way he'd written each word, she knew how much he'd meant everything in the letter.

"I think it's about time. Are you ready?" Abigail asked.

"I am." Haley answered with a wistful smile. She could still feel the nervous energy pulsating in the air around her, but after reading JJ's letter, she knew this was the right decision. Maybe it was a little quick for a wedding, but she felt like she was already starting to fall in love with him.

"That's my cue." Abigail said, readying herself to walk down the aisle. She'd been so excited when Haley had asked her to be her matron of honor. Not to mention she looked gorgeous in the sky-blue dress. "You look gorgeous. And I can see how much my brother cares about you. I'm so happy we'll be sisters soon." Abigail squeezed her hand gently before walking through the creamy white doors of the church and down the aisle, where Haley would soon follow.

As the music played Haley's cue, she took a deep, steadying breath as the doors opened. This was actually happening. As a little girl she'd often dreamed of her wedding, but now that it was actually happening, she was almost overwhelmed. For a moment she wished Melinda had come. She understood that her sister had to work, and given the short notice, she couldn't get out of it, but she felt that even if Melinda hadn't had to work that she would've found a way to get out of it. Melinda was older than Haley, and they'd never had a very close relationship, but Haley would always be grateful to her for taking her in when she was 13. She didn't like to think about what could've happened if Melinda hadn't been there.

As Haley started down the aisle, everything else seemed to disappear when JJ's eyes found hers. The music seemed to fall away, and she no longer noticed the hundreds of eyes staring at her as she walked toward her future.

It seemed like forever until she got to JJ. "You look beautiful," JJ whispered as he held out his hand to help her up the step.

"Thank you. You clean up pretty well yourself." she whispered back. Abigail had gone dress shopping with her, and she'd ended up choosing an all-lace, slim silhouette with small cap sleeves. After she'd chosen it, Abigail had told her that JJ would love whatever she'd chosen, but that she thought he would especially love this one.

As they recited their vows to each other, the warmth of her hands in JJ's spread up her hands and down to her toes. She'd never gotten used to the effect he had on her.

As they sealed their marriage with a kiss, Haley knew she'd have no regrets in making this decision.

"Wait, isn't the groom supposed to carry the bride over the threshold?" JJ asked, a smile spreading across his face.

"I think you're right Mr. Deveraux." Haley said, stepping closer into JJ's embrace. Wrapping his arm tighter around her waist, JJ swung Haley into his arms, catching her legs with his other arm. As she brought him in for a quick kiss, she reached down and unlocked the door as JJ pushed it open.

"JJ? What are you doing?" Haley felt JJ's shock run through his arms around her as he stared at the beautiful, dark-haired woman sitting on his couch. As JJ slowly lowered Haley down to the ground, she couldn't help the nagging familiarity of this woman. Who was she?

All JJ could do was whisper one word. "Paige?"


	3. Chapter 3

At first Haley just stood in the doorway to JJ's apartment. So, this was Paige. _JJ's ex, _Paige. JJ's _dead_ ex, Paige. No wonder the woman had seemed so familiar; she'd seen a picture of her once in the bottom of JJ's dresser. She'd found it when she had just moved in while unpacking the few belongings that she'd had with her. At first, she'd assumed it must've been Abigail when she was younger, but when she'd flipped over the photograph, she seen a heart drawn around the name "Paige," with a date written next to it. It was dated a few years back, but considering he'd kept the picture all this time, Haley could only assume she'd been special to him. She never told JJ she'd found it, especially since they'd hardly known each other at the time; it was too personal. Eventually one night when they were talking about their past relationships, he'd brought up her name, but Haley had acted like she hadn't heard of her before, and he'd explained what had happened. And now she was standing right in front of her in JJ's apartment.

Haley was ashamed to admit that for a few seconds she thought maybe JJ hadn't told her the truth about Paige's death. But his own reaction had remedied those thoughts quickly. He seemed to be in a state of shock that she'd never seen on him before.

Paige stood up off the couch and walked slowly towards JJ, her long brown hair tucked over her shoulder. "I can't believe this is really happening. I've been trying to get back to you for so long." Haley watched from JJ's side awkwardly, as if she were simply a witness to this private moment between them.

"H-how is this possible?" JJ asked. He stood completely still, as if he thought moving an inch might make it all disappear.

"I promise, I'll explain everything." Paige answered, her perfect lips forming a loving smile. Then, as if she hadn't noticed her until now, Paige's eyes widened as they fell on Haley, the smile replaced by confusion. "Who are you?" she asked, taking in Haley's wedding dress for the first time.

JJ shook his head slightly, as if coming out of a daze back to reality. "Oh – right, sorry. Th-this is Haley. My – uh – my…wife." Haley could tell by Paige's expression the exact moment that she processed JJ's words. The confusion spread into hurt, mixing with anger.

"Your wife? I – I don't understand what's happening." Paige backed up until her legs hit the couch, sinking down onto the cushion. Haley looked at JJ, not quite sure how to explain. She didn't know if they could trust Paige to keep the secret behind their marriage, especially if she thought Haley had taken advantage of JJ. But at the same time, she felt terrible for her. She couldn't imagine what it would be like to come back and have everyone move on. To have lost all that time.

"It-it's kind of complicated-" Haley started, looking between Paige and JJ. Before she could continue, he stopped her with a slight shake of his head.

"Complicated? Complicated how? Because as soon as you realized I wasn't an option, you just moved on to the next girl as a replacement? Gosh, JJ, I really thought our love meant more to you than that." Haley could see Paige's anger rising by the minute, and really, why shouldn't it be? She obviously still loved him if she'd come back for him after all this time.

"It did! I just – I don't know what to think right now; my mind is spinning. The last time I saw you, you were dead. How was I supposed to know you were still alive?"

"I don't know JJ. But I sure didn't expect you to move on so quickly. Not after we fought so hard to be together." For a moment they just stared at each other, seemingly lost in the past memories of their relationship.

"I'm sorry, I just-I need a minute to process all of this." JJ said, backing out of the apartment.

"Well? Aren't you going to run after your husband?" Paige asked, her voice dripping with disgust as she turned her anger on Haley.

"For what it's worth, I'm sorry." Haley apologized. "I can't imagine what you're going through right now." Before Paige could respond, she followed JJ out the door.

She found him sitting on one of the white benches outside of his – or theirs now – apartment complex. He'd kept himself together pretty well back in the apartment, but sitting all alone, he looked completely defeated. He had his head in his hands, and his shoulders were hunched as if they carried the weight of the world. She almost didn't want to disturb him, afraid that he'd crumble under the weight of everything.

"JJ?" Haley asked, hesitantly stepping forward. He raised his head, surprised to see her standing there. "We don't have to talk, I just wanted to make sure you were okay. And I'm not going to pretend to know what you're going through, but I can imagine it's not easy." She stopped next to the bench, not wanting to sit down and bother him if he wanted to be alone. She wasn't sure exactly what he needed right now, but she wanted him to know that she would support him – no matter what he decided.

"I just – I can't believe after all this time. I just keep asking myself why now? Why today? How?"

"I don't know, JJ. But I'm sorry that it's happening like this. If we had only waited a day-" Before she could finish, JJ cut her off with the intense look in his eyes as his head turned towards her.

"No, don't say that. You shouldn't be apologizing. If anyone is sorry it's me; as if you don't have enough going on right now, this happens. I'm sorry, Haley." Honestly, she wasn't surprised at what JJ was saying. He was always the most selfless person she knew, even now, when his whole life had been turned upside down. But none of this was his fault, and he needed to understand that she didn't blame him for anything that was happening.

"JJ," she said firmly. "JJ, look at me." As he raised his eyes to hers, Haley felt that familiar warmth travel through her body, followed by a sharp pain at the thought of what she had to say. But she should've known that she wouldn't get this perfect fairytale ending. After all, her and JJ hadn't even married for love. The wedding dress she was still wearing just served as a sad reminder of the hope she'd had that morning for the two of them.

"You have nothing to be sorry for. No one could've seen this coming." Haley took in a breath as she looked away from the soft, searching look in his eyes. "But I do think you should give her a chance to explain. You two were in love, JJ. And I'm not going to make you stay with me." It was hard to admit, but even JJ couldn't deny that what she'd said was the truth. But she couldn't bring herself to say the hardest truth out loud yet. She could feel it hovering between them, but neither wanted to say it. _If she hadn't died, you'd still be together right now._

As Haley turned, ready to leave before JJ could say anything else, JJ stretched out his hand, gently grabbing her wrist. For a moment, she just stared at his hand around her arm.

"Haley, wait." As their eyes met, she was finally able to see the level of internal conflict he was experiencing in that moment. "It's not that simple."

"I didn't say it was simple. I'm just saying that you shouldn't let our marriage stand in the way if you want to work things out with Paige." The conflict in his eyes stayed put. "JJ, please. I'm telling you that you've already gone above and beyond for me. Don't sacrifice this second chance at love just to help me." She pleaded. Haley truthfully didn't know why she was pushing for him to let her go, but she couldn't seem to stop the words from spilling out of her mouth. Maybe it was because she thought pushing him away before he could break her heart would somehow make her feel better. As if anything would make it hurt less.

The burning intensity of JJ's eyes made her look away. She suddenly felt all the emotions from the day weighing heavily on her shoulders as tears pricked her eyes. She shouldn't be the one upset right now. It was JJ's world that had been turned upside down. Blinking them away, she mustered up a comforting smile and awkwardly withdrew her arm from JJ's grasp. "I think I should spend tonight at the loft – Tripp already knows that our marriage isn't real, so it's okay. I just think we all need some time to process this and think everything over. It's been a long day."

"Are you sure?" JJ asked, looking up at her.

"I think it's the best thing for now." Haley answered, nodding.

"Do you want me to get some of your stuff before you leave?" Haley shook her head.

"No, it's okay. I'm sure Claire has a few things I could borrow. I'll be fine." The sad look in JJ's eyes made her want to stay, but she knew this was the best thing right now. She needed to give him space, and she didn't want to pressure him to make a decision. She also didn't want to make things even worse for Paige; she couldn't imagine how she was feeling right now.

JJ grabbed her hand, forcing her to step closer, and pulled her in for one last hug. Her arms immediately wrapped around his back as she savored this feeling that she knew she may not feel again. She tried to memorize it all; the feeling of his hands on her back and in her hair, the taut muscles beneath his suit jacket, his breath near her ear, his steady heartbeat beating in time with hers.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, his voice thick with emotion. Standing there, wrapped around each other, Haley saw what could've been. She saw that they could've fallen in love. Their marriage could've become real. They could've been happy. But maybe loving JJ just wasn't in the cards for her, and that was something she'd have to get used to.

"Goodnight, JJ." she whispered, pulling away. Walking away, all she could think was that 'goodnight' had never sounded so much like 'goodbye.'


	4. Chapter 4

Waking up the morning after his wedding day, JJ expected things to be clearer. But instead, he woke up alone, still baffled by his current situation. He was in a position he never thought he'd be in; forced to choose between his past and his future.

As he stared at his discarded tuxedo jacket across the room, a quick knock sounded on his front door. When it was apparent they weren't going away, he threw on a navy t-shirt with his sweatpants, treading to the front door of his apartment.

"Oh – hi." He said. Paige's smile fell a little at his lack of enthusiasm.

"Sorry I'm not Haley, but I thought you'd be a bit more excited to see your back-from-the-dead girlfriend again." He didn't have the energy to argue with her about it, not when he'd spent most of the night lying awake, his mind trying to process the day's events. Paige had gone to the Salem Inn shortly after Haley left, finally getting the hint that JJ needed some space, and that he couldn't take much more excitement. He was feeling better this morning, but he wasn't exactly up to matching Paige's energy yet.

"I'm sorry." He muttered. "Do you want some coffee?" Leaving the door open, JJ stumbled his way over to the coffee maker sitting on his counter. He couldn't help thinking back to when he'd bought it for Haley. He'd never been a huge coffee drinker himself, but Haley practically lived off of it. Right after she'd moved in, he realized that she was having to stop at the local coffee shop every morning to get her caffeine fix. In an attempt to make her feel more at home, he'd purchased the coffee maker for her and surprised her with it when she'd come home from work. That was one of the first nights he'd began to think of her as more than a temporary roommate.

Now, without Haley in the apartment, the coffee maker felt out of place.

"Yeah, thanks. Coffee would be great." Paige shut the door, sitting down on one of the chairs next to the couch. "Look, I know this must be overwhelming for you –"

"That's an understatement." JJ interrupted. "I need answers, Paige. My mind keeps spinning." He said, rubbing his hands over his face.

"I know. That's what I'm here to give you." Her dark eyes shone sympathetically. "What do you want to know first?" JJ poured the coffee into two mugs, and brought it over to the couch.

"I guess, just start from the beginning." Paige took a sip of her coffee and nodded.

"Okay, I can do that."

Paige opened her eyes, but all she could see was darkness in front of her. But it wasn't just that, something felt off with her. It felt like the darkness wasn't just surrounding her, but that it had invaded her mind, too. Kind of like a blank TV screen that hadn't been turned on in a while. She tried to sit up, but immediately felt woozy, and had to lower herself back down.

Just then a sliver of light appeared, growing as if a door was opening on the opposite side of the room.

"You're awake! How are you feeling?" The loud whisper sounded like it belonged to a woman. She could barely see them in the darkness, but the sliver of golden light seemed to reflect on a halo of light hair and a slim figure. "Oh, it's so dark in here," the voice said. Paige heard a pair of heels clacking on the concrete floor, followed by the flick of a light switch.

Paige squinted her eyes at the sudden brightness, the room now bathed in a soft light. She could see the woman better now, but she didn't recognize her. Her bright red dress coupled with her black heels and loose curls somehow made the room look dingier.

"Where…what-" Paige stammered, her voice coming out in a croak. She blinked her eyes a couple times, trying to clear her mind enough to talk, but her mouth felt like it had cotton in it.

"Here, let me get you something to drink." The woman said, gathering a cup of water from the side table. Taking a sip, Paige looked around the tiny room. Despite there being a bed, it was obvious that this room had not been intended as a bedroom. The walls were a grimy brown, and there was hardly any furniture or furnishings for the room. The bed she was currently occupying was more like a cot than any bed she'd ever seen, with only a white, threadbare blanket, and a small pillow under her head, probably thrown together last minute.

"You're probably wondering where you are and what you're doing here, and I'm here to answer all of your questions. But first you must answer one for me: what do you remember?" As the woman sat down on the edge of the cot, regarding Paige with a certain level of sympathy, Paige realized that she didn't even know her own name.

"I-I don't. I don't remember anything." Underneath the sympathy in the woman's eyes, she saw a spark of hope that hadn't been there before. Sympathy and hope – a very odd combination.

"Nothing? Are you sure?" she asked, resting her manicured hand over Paige's on the cot. Paige just nodded in response, her eyes beginning to well with tears out of fear. "Oh, don't cry sweetie. It's okay," the woman said. "The doctors said this might happen." She squeezed Paige's hand comfortingly. "I'm going to help you."

Paige rearranged the picture frames once more; she wanted everything to be perfect. Since she had woken up in the treatment center, what her and her mom now referred to as "The Warehouse," Paige had made significant strides in her recovery. Today was her mom's birthday, and it was their first celebration since Paige had been released from The Warehouse, and allowed to move into her mother's apartment nearby. Although it was still a little awkward between them, Paige felt that their relationship was growing, and she enjoyed having her mother here to help her remember her life before the accident.

Her mom had told her all about the tragic accident landing her in a coma for a month. Their house had burned down in a fire, and Paige had been severely injured when one of their bookcases had fallen, landing on top of Paige. Ultimately, she had ended up in a coma, and when the doctors at the hospital had told her mom they couldn't do anything more, her mom had found the treatment center. They had made sure Paige had everything she needed, and they'd taken care of her until she woke up. However, the injuries to her head and neck had been so severe that she'd woken up with amnesia. No one seemed to know when, or if, she would ever get any of her memories back, but for now her mom was working to fill her in on whatever Paige wanted to know. She was grateful to have such a loving and patient woman to take care of her.

Paige had been working all morning on the decorations while her mom was out at work, and looking around the apartment, she thought she'd done a decent job. She'd gathered some pictures they'd taken together since Paige had woken up from the coma and put them in frames, placing them all around the apartment, along with a few streamers and balloons. The best part though was the red velvet cake she'd baked for her, currently sitting on the countertop with the words "Happy Birthday" scrawled across the top in red frosting.

Hearing keys fumbling in the door, Paige made sure all the decorations were in place. Her mom had left for work before she woke up that morning, so she hadn't seen her yet.

"Happy birthday!" Paige announced, her arms out wide. Her mom's lips curved into a smile, their red color a perfect match for her dress.

"Oh sweetie, did you do all of this?" she asked. The large metal briefcase she was carrying made it more difficult for her to maneuver around the couch, but she managed, coming to wrap her arms around Paige. "You're so sweet."

"I just wanted to do something special for you. You've been so patient with me since everything happened." Paige watched her mother's face, something resembling guilt flashing across her features.

"That's my job isn't it?" She stroked Paige's hair with her comforting hand. "Now, what do you say we cut into this cake? It looks delicious."

Paige pressed the 'answer' button, her hands practically shaking in her distress. Sitting on the floor of her mom's bedroom in their apartment, her mom's voice came through her phone.

"Hi Paige! Sorry, but I think I might be a little late tonight. Something came up at work an-"

"Were you ever going to tell me?" Paige asked, her voice trembling. She heard hesitation on the end of the phone, followed by shuffling as if her mom were moving around.

"Sweetie, what are you talking about? Tell you what?" Her mom's voice poured out of the phone, her confusion hiding the fear Paige recognized. She hadn't expected her to come clean. Since when had she ever told the truth?

"I remembered. _Everything._"

"I'd gone into her bedroom that day to borrow one of her sweaters, but then I'd seen a red silk tie that she used as a belt for a dress she had. At first, I hadn't paid much attention to it, but my eyes seemed to keep coming back to it. After that, everything kind of came in flashes. The first thing I remembered was Ben's tie around my neck, and I didn't know what was happening. I thought I was going crazy because I didn't know this man, and I couldn't remember ever being strangled in my life. But then more memories started to flood in; and I remembered _you,_ JJ. Of all the things Kristin had taken from me, I was the most upset at the time she'd taken away from us." The only visible sign of Paige's hurt that JJ could see was the way she clenched her jaw. He almost couldn't believe her story, but he knew Kristin. Kristin had always wanted a daughter, and she'd grabbed at her chance when she'd seen it. But had she never wondered what she was doing to Paige? To Paige's life? As if nearly dying wasn't traumatic enough, Kristin had tried to erase her life too.

"Paige – I'm so sorry. And I can't imagine how painful it is for you to relive all of it, but I appreciate you telling me." His heart constricted at what he had to say next. "But it doesn't change the fact that I thought you were dead. When I first found out, I didn't know how I was supposed to go on. I felt like no one could understand how hollow I felt inside." JJ felt those reminiscent pangs of loss rattle through his body at the memory.

"Then why don't you say you still love me? I still love you, and JJ, I'm not going to back down just because you don't want to hurt Haley's feelings. Not after everything I went through to come back to you." JJ was all too familiar with that fierce look in her eye, and he didn't doubt her words for a second. But this was about more than just hurting Haley's feelings, because if he hurt her, he knew that it would hurt him just the same. It was an impossible situation.

"It's not that I don't love you; I do. I'm just not sure that that love is in the same place it was five years ago. I had no other choice but to move on, Paige, and I wish you would see things from my perspective. I know that what you've been through has been terrible, but what I went through was also terrible. I thought I'd lost you forever, and I've had to deal with that loss for the past five years. Do you know how guilty I felt when I began developing feelings for Haley? Or even for experiencing any kind of happiness, knowing that I would've given anything to have you here to experience the same?" The gleam in Paige's dark eyes subsided a bit as her look grew softer. Relaxing his shoulders, JJ tried to push away those past emotions. He'd grown a lot since then, and he was in a much better place now, until Paige had showed up at his apartment, bringing the weight of those emotions back full force.

Paige reached her hand over to JJ's in understanding, its warmth soaking into his fingers.

"I'm sorry that I wasn't here. If I could go back and change it, you know that I would." JJ could feel the intensity punctuated in each word she said. "I'm just asking – if there's any chance at all – to give this a chance. Give _us_ another chance. I just got you back, and I don't want to lose you again." Before JJ could think of a word to say, Paige's lips were sliding over his own, and all the memories of kissing her, holding her in his arms, flooded back to him.


	5. Chapter 5

Haley's phone rang out loudly in the deserted Horton square. It was JJ. She debated whether or not to answer it, but she knew she'd have to see him again eventually. She was just preparing herself for the inevitable. Sitting down on the bench, she pressed the green button and JJ's voice filled her ears.

"Haley?" Even in just that one word, she could hear the many questions in his voice. _How are you? How was your night? Do you hate me because of last night? Have you already left me?_ But she didn't have answers to all of them yet.

"Yeah JJ, what's up?" She tried for a casual tone, but she heard some of her anxiety slip its way between the words.

"Are you busy? I thought we could go get some coffee in the square."

"I'm actually in the square right now. I'll wait here for you." She couldn't pinpoint the emotions she was feeling as she clicked off the call. She had been longing to see him, to touch his hand, to look into his eyes since last night. It was harder than she'd thought to stay away and not be able to comfort to someone who'd been a comfort to her many times.

When she first saw him enter the square, she felt her heart flicker in her chest. Anyone else who saw him would've thought he looked casual in his green shirt and jeans, but Haley knew that underneath, he was anything but casual. His eyes looked tired, as if he hadn't slept at all last night, and Haley guessed that she probably looked the same way. Last night had been far from the calm, happy wedding night they'd planned.

Haley had always felt that there were times in your life when you knew you had a choice to make, a path to choose. She'd never been great at making big decisions, and she hated that indecisive nature. This was one of those times she would have to choose, but her options weren't so clear. How did you choose if you were given two impossible choices?

"How are you?" she asked, both of them hearing the unspoken words "after last night" hidden in the question. They sat down on the bench, and she took a long sip from her steaming coffee while waiting for JJ to answer.

"Honestly, I'm not really sure." He stared off into space and she could see the thoughts boiling over in his head, wondering what he should tell her, how much he should tell her, _if_ he should tell her. "I talked to Paige this morning. She told me what happened in those years she's been gone."

"And?" Haley quickly backtracked, not wanting to push him. "Sorry, you don't have to talk about it if you don't want to." She took another sip from her coffee, feeling the hot liquid course down her throat.

"No, it's okay. I wouldn't have brought it up if I didn't want to talk about with you." JJ shifted so he was turned more in her direction. "It was all just really sad. Somehow Kristin Dimera rescued her after Ben got to her. She helped her to recuperate, and then Kristin told her she was her mother. With the amnesia and everything, she believed it. So that's where she's been this whole time. With Kristin." There was a flash of anger in JJ's eyes when he said Kristin's name. He'd told Haley some of the things she'd done in the past to terrorize the town, but this was more personal. This time she'd taken something from JJ directly.

Haley looked around at all of the people walking around in the square. There were a few couples walking around getting coffee or breakfast, two older women buying flowers at the flower cart, and a woman in a black dress leaving the Salem Inn. It was weird how all of these other people were able to go on with their lives and live out a normal day when overnight everything had changed for her. Everything had been happening so fast between Eve and Jack, everyone finding out Melinda was her sister, and planning to marry JJ. It had already been a lot, and then Paige had showed up last night. It was too much.

But then she thought about Paige. She had been through at least as much, if not worse. Kristin as her "mother?" A near death experience would've been traumatic already, but then having amnesia and finding out your mom really wasn't your mother at all was more than anyone should ever have to handle. It was almost unbelievable – but they were in Salem after all.

"I'm so sorry, I'm sure that's been hard. That's terrible." JJ moved his hand over towards hers where it was resting on the bench.

"Yeah, it almost doesn't even seem possible. But I know this has been hard for you too. How are you?" Haley shook her head.

"No, this isn't supposed to be about me JJ." That look, she knew that look well. It was how JJ always looked when he was annoyed by her stubbornness. It was that same look that he'd used when she'd tried to turn down his marriage proposal. "Stop looking at me like that."

"Like what?"

"You know, that look you always give me."

"Actually I don't – but I was serious Haley. How are you doing?" She looked down at their hands, then back up to his eyes.

"I'm fine, JJ. Really." He didn't look convinced, but she didn't care. She wasn't going to admit that Paige's arrival had made her jealous, or sad, or hopeless. Yes, she'd been jealous of the love she could see that her and JJ still had for each other. Yes, she'd been sad that their night had been ruined because of it. Yes, she felt hopeless for the love she had been, and still was, falling into for him. But that wasn't what he needed to hear from her right now. He already had to worry about Paige, and he didn't need anyone else to pay attention to right now. Even if, as they sat there on that bench withholding how they truly felt from each other, the blossom of love in her chest seemed to grow with each breath she took.

Later that night she went back to the loft. She didn't feel right staying in JJ's apartment just yet. Especially if Paige was waiting there for him again.

When she shut the front door, she realized there was someone shoving groceries into the refrigerator.

"Dr. Evans?" Marlena turned around with her signature warm smile.

"Oh, hello Haley. I'm just delivering a few groceries for Claire and Tripp. Were you looking for one of them? They both left a little while ago." Marlena said, shutting the fridge and coming around the kitchen counter. For a second, Haley almost forgot that she wasn't supposed to be staying over at the loft. According to everyone else, her and JJ were happily married, and they should both be staying in his apartment like a normal married couple would be. But they weren't a normal couple. They were hardly even a couple, except for the legal documentation that proclaimed them husband and wife.

"Oh – uh – I can just come back later then. Claire had lent me…some of her – uh – jewelry." Haley cringed at her hesitation. Dr. Evans was a psychiatrist, she would know that Haley was lying. Why hadn't she thought up a better lie? She didn't even have any jewelry with her.

Marlena nodded, and Haley tried to move back over towards the door.

"Wait, Haley. I wanted to congratulate you on your wedding. I'm so happy for you and JJ. You two deserve all the best." She smiled again, and she truly looked like she meant it. Haley wasn't used to that recently with everything that had been going on.

"Thank you, Dr. Evans. Claire's lucky to have you as a grandmother." Haley felt her smile falter, and looked around at the empty loft. It felt bigger somehow than before.

"Oh, well, thank you." She seemed to hesitate before she continued. "I'm sorry, but it everything alright? It seems like there's something on your mind." Haley shook her head. "I only ask because if there's something you wanted to talk about, I'm always here to listen."

Haley debated whether or not it would be safe. Dr. Evans would abide by doctor-patient confidentiality if Haley asked her to, but what if that wasn't enough? She hated not being able to trust people now.

"I can't really talk about it." Her eyes darted around the loft, not settling on one thing in particular. She should've just waited to come back to the loft until after it was dark.

"It's okay, Haley. I promise you, I wouldn't tell anyone what we talk about. Legally, I'm not allowed to anyway." She said quietly.

Haley was quiet while she stood in the middle of the loft, chewing on her lip. She'd tried to break that habit many times, but she had never succeeded. She had trusted Dr. Evans before when she had tried to overdose, and she had kept her secrets. Maybe this time she really could tell someone how she was feeling.

"There is something. But you really can't tell anyone." Marlena walked over and picked up her purse.

"Would you rather talk in my office? This may not be the most private place." Haley nodded, following her out the door. Hopefully this wouldn't be a mistake.

Eve quickly shut the office door behind her. Hopefully no one would see her sneaking out. The bugs she put in Marlena's office should be up and running, according to the coordinating app on her phone. Just as she rounded the corner, she heard footsteps coming closer from the other direction. She'd gotten out of sight just in time.


End file.
